Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
