i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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