I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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