At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
