I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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