the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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