just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
