My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
