naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
