I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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