I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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