xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
