I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
