It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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