Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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