She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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