Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i think i just lost a toe
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
