my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
