Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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