these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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