I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
