So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
