haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
that's an acceptable place to lick
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
