it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
me + whiskey = a bad person
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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