do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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