Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Randomize
