Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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