Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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