the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
