S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
