i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
