I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
