so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
