why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I enjoy the company of your penis
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
