I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
