GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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