Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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