I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
