Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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