in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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