He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
