You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
