All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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