I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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