Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My bed smells like the plague
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