we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
