I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
