my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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