When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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