If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
