Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
